Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents (written by NASP)

 

Like many parents across our country today, I felt sad, angry, sick and  helpless as I watched the news reports about the tragedy in Conneticut this morning.  I will definitley hug my kids extra tight tonight. Immediately I knew I would need to discuss this with my own kids. But how? How much do I say? How do I reassure them if they feel fearful? Here is a great article written by NASP, the National Association of School Psychologists, on talking to kids about the killings at Sandy Hook Elementary today. Hope this is helpful!, Elaine Wilkins, MFT 

( If your child is struggling with fear or anxiety in light of these events and you would like professional help, do not hesitate to call us Wilkins Family Counseling (951) 231-1655)

 

 

 High profile acts of violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved ones are at risk. They will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react.

Parents and school personnel can help children feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security and talking with them about their fears.

1. Reassure children that they are safe. Emphasize that schools are typically very safe. Validate their feelings. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy occurs. Let children talk about their feelings, help put them into perspective, and assist them in expressing these feelings appropriately.
2. Make time to talk. Let their questions be your guide as to how much
information to provide. Be patient; children and youth do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings.

3. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.

Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that
should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are
safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding children about exterior doors being locked,child monitoring efforts on the playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day.

Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy.Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools.

Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and

varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g. not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to the school safety made by students or community
members, etc.), communicating any personal safety concerns to school
administrators, and accessing support for emotional needs.

4. Review safety procedures. This should include procedures and safeguards at
school and at home. Help children identify at least one adult at school and
in the community to whom they go if they feel threatened or at risk.

5. Observe children’s emotional state. Some children may not express their

concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can also
indicate a child’s level of anxiety or discomfort. Symptoms will ease with reassurance and time. However, some children may
be at risk for more intense reactions. Children who have had a past traumatic
experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness,
or with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others.
Seek the help of mental health professional if you are at all concerned.

6. Limit television viewing of these events. Limit television viewing and be
aware if the television is on in common areas. Developmentally
inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in
young children. Adults also need to be mindful of the content of
conversations that they have with each other in front of children, even
teenagers, and limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and angry
comments that might be misunderstood.
 

7. Maintain a normal routine. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promote physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular

meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and

extracurricular activities but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed.

Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children

• Schools are typically safe places. School staff works with parents and public safety

providers (local police and fire departments, emergency responders,

hospitals, etc.) to keep you safe.

• The school building is safe because … (cite specific school procedures).

• We all play a role in the school safety. Be observant and let an adult know if

you see or hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous or

frightened.

• There is a difference between reporting, tattling or gossiping. You can provide

important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously

by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear.

• Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never

happen, it is important to understand the difference between the

possibility of something happening and probability that it will affect you (our school

community).

 

Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things that you enjoy, sticking to your normal routine, and being with friends and family help

make us feel better and keep us from worrying about the event.

• Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to

handle their anger, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffering from

mental illness. Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders)

work very hard to get those people help and keep them from hurting others.

It is important for all of us to know how to get help if we feel really upset or

angry and to stay away from drugs and alcohol.

• Stay away from guns and other weapons. Tell an adult if you know someone

has a gun. Access to guns is one of the leading risk factors for deadly violence.

• Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the

positive solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning

conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is

struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.

© 2007, National Association of School Psychologists